Submission and manipulation

I submit to a man. For me, this is the most intimate, passionate and intense experience I can have. I open myself up fully, I switch off, I let myself slip into sub space where I do not think, just feel and respond. It’s too profound to be shared with just anyone.

He is my master. I don’t call him that, but he is my Dom and he is the only one I submit to. He controls my pleasure, my pain, my body and my orgasms in a way that no one else can. He knows; he always knew, from the first time we got together he owned me and could do anything he wanted with me. I begged him to do all those things I’ve only dreamt about before; I begged him not to stop.

He’s coming tonight. I feel the butterflies in my stomach as I follow his exact instructions, stockings, suspenders, sexy bra and panties, blindfold and rope at the ready for when he walks in.

He’s late again and I am waiting. The anticipation and excitement from earlier turn sour inside me and I feel the world turn to black, again. The colours slowly fade, the wine sours in my mouth and the cigarette tastes acrid on my tongue. I’m on my own, waiting, wasting time away while he is out somewhere nearby, socializing with some friends in a pub. It hurts.

He sends me occasional text messages to keep me on my toes, saying he’s coming, asking if I’m ready. I respond in default snippets but the desire is gone, I want to finish the bottle of wine in front of me and pass out while listening to my depressive music, letting my conscience drift away into the night and take with it my desire, my pain, my fear.

He finally comes. He wonders why I’m upset. His presence is enough to trigger a response and he takes my hand, leads me to the bed, ties the rope around my wrists and slips the blindfold over my eyes. Say good night; the darkness is complete.

He pushes me down onto the bed and spreads my legs, runs his hands all over my body, compliments my outfit and takes off my bra. His lips are on mine for a brief second before he’s kissing my neck, sucking on my nipples, licking my stomach and going down on me just long enough to make me wet, but not as long as I would like him to. He stops.

He’s fully hard now and it’s my turn to serve. He has me on my knees, forcing himself deeper and deeper into my mouth with each stroke, it hurts and feels so good at the same time. I don’t try to stop him, he won’t listen to me anyway. The world around me is black and my mind is slipping away into sub space.

I don’t remember how I come back. I can feel that he’s done everything to me, I must have had a few orgasms and he is finished as well, I can feel the sticky come on my chest and around my mouth. He removes my blindfold but doesn’t hold me like I need to be held right now, he is content while I feel used. I curl into a ball and cry silently while he is happily asleep next to me.